2008

The beginning of a new year whispers excitement and adventure, change and possibility. It makes me think over the last year and consider what I need to change in my life.

A blank canvas of time, ready for me to scrawl all over it! Where will I go? What will I do? Who knows!

I am under no illusion, 2008 promises struggles and hard work but I am putting my best foot forward and once more unto the breach I go!

Life is like chocolate…

… without some bitterness, the sweetness means nothing at all.

Music means a lot to me, it is very much associated with emotion and memory. Certain songs have the ability to stop me in my tracks with the opening bar, raising the hairs on my neck and taking me back to another time and place. Some songs have lyrics which seem to speak from my heart, tell my story. (more…)

I know my ‘problems’ pale into insignificance when compared to many people, but right now they are preventing me from living my life how I would like to. I have always been an open and honest person, I have prided myself as a person/friend who can be relied upon and who will tell the truth regardless when it may be hard to swallow. People always knew where they stood with me. However, for the last few years I seem to have curled into my shell and stopped talking. I stopped being there for people who needed me, I held back and kept many aspects of my life secret, no longer sharing with the people closest to me. I have let people down and made a mess of things in general. (more…)

I woke up this morning to a dreary drizzly day and as I sat with my mug of coffee, gazing over the garden, I noticed dozens of spider webs everywhere. The gentle raindrops clinging to the silken threads looked absolutely beautiful. I was completely mesmerised, thinking how beautiful nature is and grateful that the simplest things can still bring light to my heart and make me smile. (more…)

This weekend I had the honour of being a bridesmaid to one of my dearest friends. The wedding was wonderful and Caroline & Rodolphe are so clearly meant for each other.  The whole experience made me ask myself some interesting questions - what do I want from marriage? Am I ready to marry? Do I want to marry? The answers are as interesting as the questions, but for now, they’re staying with me. (more…)

My butterfly has had her heart broken and she’s so far away! I want to hug her and tell her everything will be alright…eventually. Or will it? We share something, my sister and I, an experience - to have sacrificed everything for love and to have lost, to have given up everything and have absolutely nothing left to show for it. My sacrifice was nearly 2 years ago and yesterday marked the anniversary of a day that could have changed my life forever.No, I’m not over it but it’s not fresh anymore, not like it is for her and I hate that she’s going through all that, hundreds of miles away. (more…)

Did I say hang up my crown? Did I believe things were coming round my way? The drama queen was gone, wasn’t she? How wrong could I be?? (more…)

I think I’m settling in finally! And those ghosts, they’re getting fewer and fewer. I’ve been feeling happy, much happier than I have for a long time. It’s long overdue and I am not taking it for granted! I am taking it one day at a time and beside me is beloved D, who I really do love. So I say a huge thank you to the forces out there that are bringing things round my way for a change! Things have been starting to weigh down of late, so for now, I can hang up my drama queen’s crown.

So, we’ve moved in together! A nice 2 bedroom end of terrace house. Near work and not too far from the folks. Our own space finally. So I should be dancing on air but I’m not! There are too many ghosts jumping out at me where-ever I look. Sometimes I feel as if I have been transported back 5 years and that’s not good, really not good. I know it’s all about compromise and learning how to live with someone - I have been there before but I’m starting to think I lived on my own for too long…got used to my own company for too long. (more…)